Jealous much

The other day I was looking at a stranger and was trying to decide if they were a man or a woman. Thats when I noticed a giant rock on their ring finger, (it was a woman btw.) And I couldnt help but wonder, how come she has someone who loves her, who's promised to love her forever more, who's stood up in front of all their family and friends and declared their eternal love.
I'm a nice girl, I'm smart, not terrible looking and i rarely get confused for a man, so why don't I have that? The old curse screamed out - What's wrong with me?

So in true Cos form I analysed it.
Is that what I want? There are people who have wanted to spend time with me but whom I've said no to, or I've said yes but then made it exceedingly difficult for it to work; either by over analysis or by stubbornness.
Why is that? Why did I self destruct, or if your into modern dictionary terms, disturbate?
Is it that I want more? More than what? When is more enough? Or is it that I am incapable of standing still?
Is it that I want them to prove to me that I am the one? In the past I would give hoops for them to jump through to prove themselves, but when is enough hoops enough? How many rows must my man walk down?

It's like that movie pi, where a brilliant mathematician gives himself a lobotomy with a battery drill so he doesn't have the gift/curse of a mathematical mind. Should I do that so I don't analyse everything? To prevent my philosophical ponderings and potentially get me closer to a simpler, happier existence? Is ignorance bliss?

And yet, analysis or over analysis is a part of my life that I enjoy. Just read my blog! Philosophy is the study of life as we know it, of why we are here, what really matters and why it matters.

Analysis of my thoughts tells me that romantic life is what matters more than anything to me, yet my actions seem to prove this wrong. I'm not one of those girls who have a dead end job while waiting for a shiny rock. I have put my career first, my personal desire for accomplishment first, my studies first, my independence first and even my travel lust first and foremost over previous relationships on numerous occasions.

Have I only now decided that I am indeed ready for commitment having somewhat sated my selfish cravings? Is it just the next thing on the list or is it the person standing next to me? Or
is boycotting the whole thing and going to a war zone easier than admitting that it's what I want but also what I'm scared of?