Why me?

The phrase "Why me?" is synonymous with tragedy, misfortune and loss. But recently I have been thinking it for the opposite reason.

I was born in a country where healthcare is provided to all and freedom is a right. I was born without health issues and have suffered no accidents. I have a loving family, an extensive education, little to no health worries, a large earning potential and no major misfortunes in my life. I have travelled the world, laughed with friends, experienced love and have a wonderful man by my side.
I am a lucky woman.
But why me?
Many people in the world, and indeed in my life, have suffered misfortunes. Some of which are serious health problems that range from genetic to accidental or environmental, all through no fault of their own.

How did I get off unscathed?

In ancient Rome they believed that Fortuna would grant either spoils or ruins dependant solely on her whim and the resultant spin of the wheel of fortune. Larry Emdur was of the same belief.
Some Buddhists believe that your fate is dependant on your past actions, even from a past life. Perhaps I was well behaved?
The Christian religion believe that it is Gods will and he has a plan for us all. Perhaps he has a nice plan for me?

I would ask what I have done to deserve my good fortune and my ability to always land on my feet, but I don't believe that life is fair. Life is Life. Everyone is trying to avoid suffering and find happiness, despite what situation they find themselves in.

Whatever the reason we all will have misfortune throughout our lives. Perhaps it is the optimist in me that glazes over the inconsequential misfortunes in my life (not being rich/famous/stunningly beautiful) or the comparison of mine to 'what could have been' makes them insignificant.

Whatever the case I have lived well and lived happily for 25 years. And for that I am grateful and content.

The creation of a backpacker

Ahh backpackers. The only demographic to be described by how they carry their belongings since the carpet bagger.

We are an interesting bunch. We come from different countries, backgrounds, religions, financial situations, social status and occupations. Yet once you're a backpacker, nothing that you used to do or be, matters anymore. In fact it seems to be an unwelcome juxtaposition of the real world to our new found freedom. Nothing to kill a conversation like finding out the chick wearing fisherman pants, teaching you slacklining is a strategic risk analyst.

Once you have traded your business cards for a one way ticket, a slow transition starts.

Some try to keep their old ways longer than others but even the most stylish backpackers eventually relent.

“There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Firstly your wardrobe shrinks. Clothes that do not have multiple purposes are left behind in hostel rooms. Items with multiple purposes, such as a scarf/sarong/bandana, become essential items. Also common are zip off pants/shorts, soft shell jackets, fleeces, hiking boots.

Even the lightest feather weights a thousand tons on a long journey.

Cleanliness starts to become a sliding scale. The amount of times you can wear an item of clothing before it is deemed dirty all depends on a sniff test. Worn your jeans for the last 20 days? Yes.. Do they smell? Nope. Then they're clean!
How often you need to wash is also a sliding scale. Have you showered this week? No. Have you been for a swim? Yes. Was it fresh water? No. Were you in there for quite a while? Yes. Then you're clean!

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” – Mark Twain

You stop taking the little things for granted. Seemingly trivial things can literally make your day:

• When a towel is included in a hostel
• When the pillow has a case on it
• When there is toilet paper and it's a sit down toilet! (Double bonus!)
• Having the remote and choosing what to watch on TV
• When no one ate your food
• When you see your bag coming off the plane

“No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” – Lin Yutang

Souvenirs change from 1ft carved statues to something very small and cheap. When you have to carry all of your belongings with you, everywhere you go, that carved Inca drum just doesn't seem like a great souvenir. Bracelets, postcards, arm bands and clothing (often to replace the dirty ones or the ones left behind) are the best purchases.

“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” – Cesare Pavese

I think the biggest change is the skill of observation. Learning to sit back and watch the world, to think about life and where you're priorities lie. To effectively smell the roses before moving on to the next adventure.

"A traveler without observation is a bird without wings.” – Moslih Eddin Saadi

Barbra

I met an inspirational lady the other day.
I was walking down to Tesco, randomly smiling at strangers (as I do,) and a lady walking her dog stopped to ask me for directions to the local Buddhist centre. Having only lived in here a short while, I only knew a few places in town. Surprisingly, the Buddhist centre was one of them.
As I led her down a side street we started talking. It turns out we were both interested in the meditation classes that the Buddhist centre gave on a Wednesday night. I hadn't managed to get there yet as I was usually too tired (i.e. lazy ) from work and it went quite late. Barbara had two bus rides to get to and from the Buddhist centre but had managed to go several times. She encouraged me to go check it out. It turns out she was dropping by today to enquire about volunteering her skills in remedial massage to anyone who might need it. I have always wanted to learn massage and I have often enquired about volunteering. However, similar to the meditation, it was something I had yet to accomplish.

Barbara asked me about myself and where I was from. Perhaps because a stranger was leading her down an alley, or perhaps because she was nice, she always managed to turned the conversation back to me. Wanting to know more about where I was from, what I did for work and why I was in England. "To see the world," was my reply. She always seem genuinely interested in what I was saying.

We reached our destination and I gave her dog a pat, a beautiful black Labrador cross, he wasn't even a year old and had that excited puppy demeanour.
I felt guilty that I was off to Tesco to buy takeaway dinner and beer, while she was staying till after dark in a town far from home to volunteer her skills to people that she hadn't met yet. I said my goodbyes and genuinely said that I hoped I would see her again. She said she might run into me at the meditation classes. I started walking back down the alley, deep in my thoughts and my perception altered.

I turned back to watch her walk through the door, her cane lightly tapping the ground and her dog excitedly pulling her along. Did I mention she was blind?

Loving objects

Use things, not people. Love people, not things.

It's an old adage but when you don't have many possessions and everything around you is so foreign, it is easy to become irrationally attached to objects.

I was sitting on a chicken bus in Nicaragua when I realised I loved my engagement ring. I mean I am truly in love with it. I sat sparkling it in the sun, creating rainbows on the seat in front of me, reminiscent of discovering prisms in primary school. It made me smile.

The middle aged local who was jammed on the seat next to me looked at me strangely. He looked like the average Nicaraguan farmer. I smiled back.

I am aware that wearing thousands of dollars worth of diamonds in central America isn't the best idea. Not only because of the risk of theft, but because its bad taste. In a country where rebel groups roam the dense jungle and a substantial amount of the population lives below the poverty line, showing wealth seems both rude and stupid.

However, I was there and it was on my finger, so I usually wore it covered (poorly I might add) with electrical tape.

I was in love with the ring because it was something I had coveted for a long time. It represented love or specifically being loved. It was also absolutely beautiful.
I looked over at Ads. Yes, I loved him too, but the ring was shiny and new and so uncomplicated, perfect even.

Did I love this rock more than Adam? The realisation that my attachment had grown shocked me considerably. I spent too much of my day worrying about the ring, about what I would do if I was robbed. I checked it was still there constantly and refused to leave it unattended.

I decided to utilise the superhero conundrum.... I'll explain.

Hypothesise that on a cliff (you can use a bridge, building or volcano if you prefer...) to your right is Adam, dangling off the edge, barely holding on by his fingers. He needs your help or he will plunge to his death. On your left is the ring (the only one in existence,) precariously balancing, about to be lost forever. At the exact same moment they both fall. You can only save one, (unless you're a superhero in a movie. E.g. Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Neo...) WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE??!!!

Of course Adam is chosen 100/100 times. The love for an object can be great, but when compared on the same scale as a human, it is insignificant.

Interestingly I asked Adam the same question, replacing the ring with the only Ducati streetfighter in the world... He asked if I could pull myself up or grab onto the bike...

The faces of my morning

Every morning on my walk to the train station I pass several commuters going the other way.

I'm not sure if it is my small town heritage, but when I first started passing them I would say hi. This was greeted with either a) awkward sideways glances, b) completely ignoring me or c) a vague smile that somehow conveyed, 'are you going to mug me?' I have not once got a "good morning" back, and subsequently I no longer try.

My favourite daily fellow commuter is a portly middle aged Englishman who looks increasingly stressed out as he walks towards me, he physically turns his head away from me, while looking towards to sky, so it is absolutely impossible to meet his eye..

I think it's important to note here that I'm not the mugging type, nor do I look like it. I also live in a relatively small English town, not a large crime filled city.

So why are we so afraid of talking to or even acknowledging each other? In large cities the close proximity to hundreds of people in the daily commute has created a culture where we treat each other like inanimate, potentially dangerous objects. Ignore and avoid eye contact at all costs. I often smile when I catch random commuters eyes or try to start conversations, such as "I like your ..." or "Where are you off to today?" The later is often greeted with the vague mugger smile..

I found this concept exceedingly difficult on the New York subway. Everyone seemed so interesting. I would smile or say hi, which would be greeted with a "what choo looking at?" or the universal mugger smile. My friend from New York advised that I was probably going to get mugged/beaten/abused if I didn't stop talking to strangers. I can't help it, they're just a friend I haven't met yet!

The only exception to the rule that is other people who are "not from here." (A well known phrase to any immigrant.) As a person also not from here, we seem to be able to connect about not being from here and other subjects such as where we are from and where we are going next.

As I'm sitting on public transport, staring at random strangers as though I'm going to mug them, I wonder how many of these people use social media, such as blogs like this, to send their personal private thoughts out into the ether. Why are we able to talk to random strangers and share our opinions through a keyboard, but not face-to-face?

Perhaps this video will shed some light on this...

http://youtu.be/tTN9We8unmU 

Through social media we are able to share thoughts about everything without social prejudice or etiquette. There are lots of these type of videos out there, and they all illustrate the same point. Computers have an off button for a reason.

So when you next see a stranger and make eye contact, smile, say hello, acknowledge them for the person that they are, but remember ... it's not twitter, use the brain to mouth filter..