Throwing lemons at death

Last week my Nanna passed away.
I have discussed death in this blog before but it was always my own. My Nanna was the first person whom I knew well to pass away and the finality of it has hit home.
My memories of her are that of a childs; her warm hugs, her dislike of getting down on the floor to play and our trips to Henny Penny. She was kind, generous, opinionated and always had time for her charities and to knit for anyone and everyone. I have guilt at not seeing her more often and not becoming closer to her when I was an adult, but Ke Garne, hence the shocking finality of death.

As I walked through her house I noticed so many items unopened or unused, waiting for a special occasion that never came or to simply get around to it. We all have these things in our life, some are special table wear, some of which are people, some are life long dreams.

I am the type of person who when life gives me lemons, I pick them up and throw them back. (Or make lemonade, whichever.) So this morning I went for a run. A run that I dedicated to my Nanna. I'm not sure if it was the amazing beaches in front of me, the rising sun to my left, the absurd amounts of Calvin Harris in my ears or the thoughts in my head but I ran further and longer than I had ever before.
I have been considering signing up for a half marathon for sometime as it is on my bucket list. Right now I am fitter than I have been in years but a half marathon is over 21kms. I have never ran that far. This morning I ran a bit over 10kms which is my longest run EVER. But if I keep putting it off will I ever actually do it?

So 5 minutes ago, I signed up for a half marathon in 6 weeks time. Not much time for training but better now then never. It will hurt, it will be one of the hardest things I've ever done physically, I may cry and be a complete mess but better done than left on the 'to do' shelf forever more.

In effect, this is my way of throwing lemons back at death. Elizabeth Kubler Ross would probably tell me I was halfway between anger and bargaining. But to quote Calvin Harris, (poorly I might add,) "I'm fighting for my life" and I just kinda realised it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saw1w-8ODKM&feature=relmfu

Death and all his friends

I'm comfortable with the thought of death. Comfortable and accepting that I will someday die.

That being said, I don't want to die and in the event of a zombie apocalypse I'll be armed to the teeth and fighting for all hell.

However, I have lived a fantastic life. I have loved, laughed, learnt, travelled and experienced life to the full. If this is all I get, I've done bloody well.

I am not accepting of death because I believe in heaven or reincarnation or any form of an afterlife. In fact I believe we never experience death. Why? Because in death we no longer have any senses, feelings or anything. Our synapses stop firing and no longer have conscious thought. At the exact moment we die, we cannot perceive, hence why should we fear something that we will never experience.

I am however a believer in physics. I am made of flesh and bones which is made of particles of carbon based matter. When I die these living particles still exist and as matter cannot be destroyed, they will always exist. The essence of me will always exist - in some form.
It is amazing to think that the food that I ate, to grow my body, will someday be reabsorbed into the earth, which will give nutrients to plants to grow food, to be eaten, to then be reabsorbed again.
My consciousness may be gone, but life goes on.

The diamond on my finger was once a carbon based life form, just like me and it still exists here and now.
Maybe I should ask to be buried in a peat marsh so one day I can sparkle too.
Or if you have a spare $6000 why wait? You could be a diamond in 3 months! http://www.phoenix-diamonds.com/process/