Seagulls and relationship success - Relationship choices 2

In my last post I talked about our evolution of mind over biological urges and relationship choices. The choice to stay together.
Seagulls have a biological urge to be in a monogamous long term relationship. I'm not sure how much of their tiny brain decides which partner they pick, but I'm sure it makes sense to them at the time.

However, like humans, not all relationships last. Sometimes you bicker too much or cant agree where to make your nest, or he never finds his share of the chips. So what do you do when society, your biology and your mind are telling you to try to make it work, when it just isn't?

Seagulls have a 25% divorce rate.

Numerous psychologists use this research to help people accept that divorce is OK. That you tried but it just wouldn't work, and that's OK.

I'm of the belief that relationship success is not dependant on how it ends, or lack of an ending.

Is a marriage where both parties are unhappy, but stay together successful? I think not.

A relationship that is/was happy, filled with treasured memories and learnings is a successful one. If it ends because it had stopped fitting that criteria, despite all attempts, then kudos to you for being honest. If you managed to get through the breakup without throwing objects at each other or hiring a lawyer and you still remain friends, even greater kudos to both of you!

Divorce is common and becoming more so. It is accepted in society, even though those undergoing a divorce can often struggle to accept it. I hope I never have to find out what a divorce is like. If seagulls can accept that they need to get a divorce, do so and happily move on to find a successful relationship, then maybe there is hope for all of us, and our souls...

Relationship choices 1

After living in a small space with Adam for almost three months, I was starting to wonder if Schopenhauer was correct with his will-to-live theory.

Are we attracted to someone that genetically makes the best children, for the sake of the human race, despite whether it is possible to raise children or even cohabit with that person? Adam and I are very similar in regards to personality. We have the same sense of humour, the same bluntness, the same predisposition to being offended at offhand comments and unfortunately the same ability to often make offhand comments. (E.g. When I first read this part to Adam he took offence.) However, when you look objectively at us as humans, we are well suited to make children. We are both reasonably smart, athletic but also complement each other. He has a normal shaped nose to my crooked one, I have small ears to his big, I have good flexibility where he does not, he has good balance and coordination where I do not. The romantic dominates life because “what is decided is nothing less than the composition of the next generation, the existence and special constitution of the human race in times to come.” (De Botton quoting Schopenhauer ) I.e. People are attracted to other people that will make "normal" children.

There are a few things missing from this theory. If I am to assume that I am biologically attracted to Adam in order to ensure the sound composition of the next generation, then wouldn’t it make sense that if we haven’t had children yet, we are unable to and thus, our biological senses should be telling us to find another mate? What about those that do not wish to have children? What about homosexuals that physically cannot? We have evolved to give higher meaning to our relationships than biological urges and decided who to love, how to love and whether we want to have children.
Somewhere along the evolutionary line we developed conscious choice.

To me this is beauty of marriage. The choice that two people make individually to be committed to each other and to make it work, especially when living in cramped spaces or with high stress. It is the choice to say together, not because of biology or society, but because we want too.

Guatemalan Shanty towns

We were cramped but we were all onboard and we were off.
Guatemalan van transport leaves much to be desired. Such as circulation in my legs... 9 adults, 9 backpacks, 10 day bags, 1 child and 2 surfboards all crammed into one minivan. Thankfully we only had 2 hours from Guatemala city to Antigua.

I watched the city roll past. Mercedes dealers and high rise apartments melted into fast food chains and mega malls, which then turned to slums and shanty towns.

I've always been fascinated by these communities. Walls of tin, branches, signs, car doors, bonnets, plastic tarps (anything they can get their hands on) are all held together with wire and rope, propped up against the next and so on to create a community. Smoke and steam wafting out from fires between the alleys.
I pictured the mothers that would have been cooking rice and beans on these small fires. Using the ingredients sparingly to feed their extended family. Perhaps when good fortune smiled on the family they would add a small amount of chicken or egg...

The town was perched delicately on the edge of a ravine. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to live like that in this arid climate. Temperatures reach over 30 degrees consistently throughout the year. During the wet season monsoon rains drench the city daily, which would run torrents down through the ravine. And at night it would get surprisingly cold. Living in a tin shack would be almost unbearable... if you knew anything else to compare it too.

I remember as a child, our home was without air conditioning. During a hot Australian summer, when temps would reach 40 degrees, we would go swim at the beach or the pool. My friends would exclaim, "how do you live without air conditioning! I couldn't do it."
I still haven't ever had an air conditioner. It is not something that I view as essential. Perhaps because I don't know what I'm missing, or maybe I'm just a stubborn environmentalist.

The comparison between living in a tin shack in the tropics and the home that I grew up in is stark. It makes me want to share my childhood with these kids, to swap my life for theirs to give them a brief experience of my good fortune.... But would showing them what they're missing out on, changing their perspective, make it harder for them to enjoy their life? If I lived in a mansion for a week would it make me less appreciative of my current lifestyle? It did with Homer when he house sat for Mr Burns....

The shanty towns melted away as we wearily wound up the soft hills of the countryside and over to Antigua.

Things travelling has taught me

This is a list of "Things travelling has taught me" that I wrote on my way home from Paris last year:

• I look like an Aussie
• I can tell which way is NSEW at any time
• My pronunciation is woeful, I’m blaming the Aussie accent for this
• Naturally, I’m not a big eater, no cravings when entertained
• I can really appreciate things like beautiful architecture that I have never had an interest in
• Siestas are awesome and essential
• I can deal with anything that happens
• Freedom isn’t too hard to find, just stop looking and go
• Jet lag really sucks
• Your loved ones is what matters most
• Your family will always be there – so don’t worry about missing them
• Most of what you worry about doesn’t make any sense, won’t happen or will be easier than you think - a coward dies a thousand deaths
• The world is both bigger and smaller than you think
• The earth is an amazing place
• You can always find ‘culture twins’ – people who look like friends back home, but are Italian or Spanish
• European sun isn’t fierce – go the ozone layer!
• Clothes you feel good in are best for every occasion
• Put everything back in its place (5S) especially with important documents (it saved you freaking out about it!)
• You can make friends everywhere you go
• Drinking in excess, smoking, eating bad food, no sleep and changing time zones will lead to poor health.
• Airports suck –it doesn’t matter how nice the architecture is, or if the walls are made of gold, I just want a padded seat I can lie down on! (Middle east take note!!)
• The actions of past generations should be remembered and learnt from - both good and bad.
• You will only regret what you didn’t do, and wish you had of.
• It’s really easy to forget which country you’re in and what language you’re supposed to be speaking.
• Poverty is more real than you think
• Be grateful of everything you have
• The Italians are right, doing nothing can be an artform

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” – Miriam Beard

A lunch in Paris

I wandered into the back streets of Paris to find a true French restaurant. Not a touristy version. By the time I found one (that wasn't full of Americans) I was starving.
‘Bonjour, parley voou Inglash?’ My French had marginally improved since I had arrived, but my Australian accent made it sound woeful even to my ears. The matron smiled and replied ‘Oui, would you like to see a menu?’ I smiled, finally a friendly Parisian. ‘Oui!’ I said a little too excited. Unfortunately the menu was in French. I could read enough to guess what I was ordering, but not everything. The hostess saw my struggling and was happy to translate. I ordered a cappuccino, roast duck and a salad. Like I said, I was starving! I took a seat at the front of the restaurant. Most cafes and restaurants in Paris have rows of wicker seats facing the street where people can sit, eat, gossip and watch the world go by. I sat and watched the rain fall down from the candy stripped awning and on to the street. I couldn’t help think that it was all so romantic.
I removed my map from my bag and started thinking about my return to my hostel. I had three hours until my airport pick up was due. I had seen a large amount of Paris in the last 2 days and I wasn't sure what I wanted to see next.

A man behind me asked if I needed help with directions and introduced himself as Pierre. Strange how he didn't even try to speak French to me...

He was in his late thirties with olive skin and think black hair. Although he was a Parisian, he had worked in New York and had a delightful French American accent when he spoke English. He told me about living in Paris and we discussed the celebrations happening around the city for Bastille's day.
My lunch arrived and the conversation halted while I ate. Perhaps a little rude, but French food deserves your full attention. Delicious is an understatement.
The duck fell off the bone and was extremely succulent, yet not at all greasy. The roast potato had a crisp outer with an inner consistency of creamy mashed potato and hint of rosemary. The salad was fresh with an amazingly tangy cream dressing. Even the cappuccino was incredible. I ate until I couldn’t put another bite in my mouth for fear that it would all come out. My eyes begged me to stuff more of it in and I was contemplating staying at the café until I was hungry again.
Pierre interrupted my thoughts of gluttony with a suggestion that we visit an art gallery not far from the restaurant. An elderly Parisian lady sitting in the row in front of me commented that it was a beautiful art gallery and, in a way that only the French can, told me I absolutely had to go! Pierre offered to take me there. Although I would have loved to go, I declined as I had something else I wanted to do in Paris, that definitely couldn’t involve Pierre. Buy French underwear! And besides, after Spain, London and Italy, I was kind of at the end of my art gallery limit.
My stomach bulging and my appetite sated I said my Adieus and waddled off along the cobblestone streets of Paris.

FAQ and free chicken

$570 to go before I'm off to Nepal!!

Sounds fun, Why are you going there?

To help inspirational young women achieve their dreams of becoming educated! (And to see the sights!)

How? Are you a teacher now?

Nope, by building somewhere for them to live near their school, so they don't have to sleep on the floor of a saloon. But I will be sharing any/all of my skills including knitting, how to win at hungry hungry hippos and maybe some electrical stuff.

Why these girls?

These girls work hard every morning and afternoon in order to afford an education, they cook, clean, grow, sell and live apart from their families all to feed their dreams. Dreams of being doctors, teachers, social workers - of BEING EDUCATED and escaping poverty!

Where are you going again?

Nepal! To the Everest region (you may have heard of it, there's a really big hill just North of there.)

When's all this going down?

November - for a month on my way back to Aus.

So what do I do now?

Donate here: http://www.crowdrise.com/Cos2help/fundraiser/CorinneWallis

Then smile with joy of making the world a better place!

Then print your receipt for the tax man!!

What do I get out of it?

Apart from happiness, satisfaction at helping others and good Karma, you also get a tax deduction and updates of my adventures while I'm volunteering. This exciting string of emails will include photos, real life stories and possibly a description of the rare wild Nepalese chicken. (Attached is a sneak peek.. )

Anything else I should know?

Spots are still open so feel free to come along too! Also included is a free weight loss program called the "2 vegetarian meals and lots of heavy labour everyday" diet. Similar in some ways to the Atkins diet......

No thanks, but can you bring me back a souvenir?

I'll send you a postcard if you're nice!

I want to find out more, but I don't want to read heaps of text... When's the movie coming out?

It's already out! Check out the website for some videos of the project and the people we're helping: http://edgeofseven.org/StoriesVideos.html

Thanks guys!

I wish I had Idle hands...

Idle hands might be the work of the devil but I reckon he might be a better boss to work for than me.

I have worked full time while studying since I was 17, with the exception of the last year. (Which has been filled with travel, sports, adventure and writing two books.) I am currently working full time again to save up money for my next adventure. So I thought now might be a good time to do some more study, (I'm currently doing a masters degree.) Somehow I convinced myself two subjects would be an acceptable work load.

Pfft.

Over the next 4 weeks I have 4 assignments due and a 3 hour exam. I am also working full time, travel a hour each way to work, spend my weekends with my Fiance (who lives in another city) and in my spare time I plan the next stage of my travelling adventures, plan an engagement party and get fit for a volunteering program I signed up for, which requires a high level of fitness..

I was once told by a supervisor, who found me in the gym reading journal articles while listening to how to learn Spanish tapes, that I would have a breakdown by the time I'm 30.

Only 5 years to go until I get to rest!