The divorce porn industry is lucrative and growing... No, not that type.. I'm talking about the hoards of memoirs, novels and articles giving gritty details of the final stages of a relationship breakdown and what happens next.
Elizabeth Gilberts "Eat pray love" is a key example and testament to just how lucrative an industry it is.
Why?
Because everyone loves to find out what happened between two people that made them stop loving each other or caused them to simply throw their hands up in the air and say it's all too hard. Often after a breakup even random acquaintances will ask what happened and probe for gory details of the relationship aftermath.
"Were other people involved, do you think he's lying, did you ever love them, did you see the signs?"
Or add very unhelpful, uneducated analysis, such as 'I bet they never loved you' or 'You could have fixed it if you'd really wanted too' or my favourite 'I bet he was fucking that slut the whole time.' Did I mention these are not helpful remarks?
But who can blame us? Our eyes cannot help but linger a little longer on breakup speculations splashed across the covers of glossy mags, our tongues cannot help but ask strangers how their marriage dissolved and we cannot help but analyse and speculate. Why do we do this? Perhaps we think there might be a thread of truth somewhere in the post mortem that gives us insight into our own relationship. A warning sign, a green light or a key learning that we should take away. Something that will prevent the pain next time or maybe give us an indicator that our plane is in a downward spiral and to "BRACE, BRACE, BRACE!"
As for my breakup, and I know those who haven't asked are dying too, it was all quite uneventful. No gory scenes, no blood splattered walls, no lawyers, not even phone calls in the night. Sorry.
To quote myself, "I'm of the belief that relationship success is not dependant on how it ends...A relationship that is/was happy, filled with treasured memories and learnings is a successful one. If it ends because it had stopped fitting that criteria, despite all attempts, then kudos to you for being honest. If you managed to get through the breakup without throwing objects at each other or hiring a lawyer and you still remain friends, even greater kudos to both of you!"
(http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/08/seagulls-and-relationship-success.html 2011)
We haven't thrown objects or involved lawyers and frankly I'm of the belief that distance and no communication is best for all concerned. I always liken it to cutting an arm off, would you rather do it quickly or have it hanging there half severed for a few days/weeks/months, slowly going septic? And you wouldn't carry it around with you after you hacked it off would you? Well maybe you would if you were still trying to stick it back on.. But after you knew it was dead you'd probably let it go.. Gory I know, but it makes sense to me.
But despite our machete end, Adam and I did make many treasured memories in our time together....
http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/11/titanic-without-bad-ending.html
http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/07/surfing-santa-teresa-costa-rica.html
http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/07/full-moon-party-koh-phanang.html
http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/07/waikiki-dreaming.html
So I think we deserve some kudos.
I'm off to clean the blood from my machete but don't worry, I won't leave you without some divorce porn cause I know you need your fix. Here are a few pieces of constructive criticism that I have received over many years of dating from the most honest source of feedback, ex-boyfriends! When collaborated they really are a wonderful source of information.. Enjoy.
Elizabeth Gilberts "Eat pray love" is a key example and testament to just how lucrative an industry it is.
Why?
Because everyone loves to find out what happened between two people that made them stop loving each other or caused them to simply throw their hands up in the air and say it's all too hard. Often after a breakup even random acquaintances will ask what happened and probe for gory details of the relationship aftermath.
"Were other people involved, do you think he's lying, did you ever love them, did you see the signs?"
Or add very unhelpful, uneducated analysis, such as 'I bet they never loved you' or 'You could have fixed it if you'd really wanted too' or my favourite 'I bet he was fucking that slut the whole time.' Did I mention these are not helpful remarks?
But who can blame us? Our eyes cannot help but linger a little longer on breakup speculations splashed across the covers of glossy mags, our tongues cannot help but ask strangers how their marriage dissolved and we cannot help but analyse and speculate. Why do we do this? Perhaps we think there might be a thread of truth somewhere in the post mortem that gives us insight into our own relationship. A warning sign, a green light or a key learning that we should take away. Something that will prevent the pain next time or maybe give us an indicator that our plane is in a downward spiral and to "BRACE, BRACE, BRACE!"
As for my breakup, and I know those who haven't asked are dying too, it was all quite uneventful. No gory scenes, no blood splattered walls, no lawyers, not even phone calls in the night. Sorry.
To quote myself, "I'm of the belief that relationship success is not dependant on how it ends...A relationship that is/was happy, filled with treasured memories and learnings is a successful one. If it ends because it had stopped fitting that criteria, despite all attempts, then kudos to you for being honest. If you managed to get through the breakup without throwing objects at each other or hiring a lawyer and you still remain friends, even greater kudos to both of you!"
(http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/08/seagulls-and-relationship-success.html 2011)
We haven't thrown objects or involved lawyers and frankly I'm of the belief that distance and no communication is best for all concerned. I always liken it to cutting an arm off, would you rather do it quickly or have it hanging there half severed for a few days/weeks/months, slowly going septic? And you wouldn't carry it around with you after you hacked it off would you? Well maybe you would if you were still trying to stick it back on.. But after you knew it was dead you'd probably let it go.. Gory I know, but it makes sense to me.
But despite our machete end, Adam and I did make many treasured memories in our time together....
http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/11/titanic-without-bad-ending.html
http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/07/surfing-santa-teresa-costa-rica.html
http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/07/full-moon-party-koh-phanang.html
http://cosrandom.blogspot.com/2011/07/waikiki-dreaming.html
So I think we deserve some kudos.
I'm off to clean the blood from my machete but don't worry, I won't leave you without some divorce porn cause I know you need your fix. Here are a few pieces of constructive criticism that I have received over many years of dating from the most honest source of feedback, ex-boyfriends! When collaborated they really are a wonderful source of information.. Enjoy.
- Women aren't supposed to be engineers, they aren't as good at that stuff as men
- I love that you earn a good wage
- I hate that you earn more than me
- I love that you surf, we can spend time together this way
- You shouldn't surf, it's not feminine
- You shouldn't call your stomach your guts, it's not feminine
- Your arse is too big, you should work on that and get the meat off
- Your arse is too small, you should work on that and put some meat on
- You should wear nice clothes to work, not king gees, maybe a dress?
- You shouldn't burp, it's not feminine
- You should wear clothes more often
- You should sleep naked more often
- I like how confident you are
- I wish you were less outgoing
- Dresses suit you better than pants
- Pants suit you better than dresses
- You should wear heels all the time, they're so feminine
- You shouldn't wear heels, you're too tall, it's not feminine
- I liked you better when you didn't like me, you should go back to not liking me
- Maybe you should clean your car, or at least remove the old McDonalds rubbish
- Your jiggly bits jiggle
- You should learn how to cook so you don't poison us again
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